Monday, June 17, 2013

Like I Was Saying

We found out today that our eldest got into the Music Man with a very quality musical theater company in town.  (This is a boy who actually dressed up as Professor Harold Hill as a preschooler for Halloween two years in a row.)  Actually, my STBEH (soon-to-be-ex-husband) found out, since he's the one that took him to the audition Saturday morning and he texted me.  It's utterly ridiculous how much his "Me too!" comment filled me with a momentary sense of connection, shared purpose and joy.  I felt this glimmer of hope and promise for a second all because of that damn exclamation point.  Then I realized what a stupid idiot I was for letting two completely un-intimate words and a little punctuation feed any hope.  Stupid, stupid. The only shared future is that I have to figure out a way to put my pain aside and effectively co-parent with this man for the next 16+ years, while making sure our boys never know just what he's done or how badly he's hurt me.  We get all the work of co-parenting, with none of the shared joy.  Sucks.  Damn him.

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