Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Oy, what an idiot.

A few months ago we started this every other Monday night one on one routine where, after I've had the boys for the weekend, STBEX gets one of them for the night to give him some one on one time with them. In theory it's because he has less opportunity for one on one time and so this helps make up for some of that. The idea was that it wasn't necessarily an extra special event night but just a regular night with a little not more attention. He of course has turned it into dinner out and movie night for our NO. I wasn't even flipping out about that because I could understand the argument that NO might make that there are some movies he doesn't have the opportunity to see with his brothers around. But the events of last night are real evidence of my STBEX's lack of emotional maturity and authenticity. What the fuck is he thinking?!?!?? As if he and his girlfriend don't spend enough time together every day at work, he takes her along to go out to dinner with NO last night. After he commented that it was a long spell to not see the boys over the three-day weekend because he didn't get his normal Sunday spell when I'm working. After he complains that he doesn't get enough time with them in general. So he takes the time he does have, some precious one on one time at that, and shares it with her? I wonder how much NO has really expressed to him that he doesn't like sharing him with her. He says he has tried, but who knows what has really transpired. I've tried to be supportive of NO without enabling him or trapping him in an unhealthy dynamic where he feels like he has to pretend he doesn't like her just to be loyal to me. Last time this issue came up he seemed pretty upset, and I tried to be empathetic without being critical of his father (NOT EASY). This time, he didn't seem upset about it at all and so I took my cues from him and just tried to be excited with him about the sushi restaurant they went to that he was so ecstatic about. I was so tempted to ask, we're you ok with J-- going, but I controlled myself.
But how could his father do this? That the big heartache. How could he fritter away this precious opportunity for one on one time with his son? I would relish it. What an idiot.

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