Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Odds and Ends

1. This from a Huffington Post article on Happiness I read today:

Can your yearbook photo offer insight into your happiness? Possibly. According to aDePauw University study, adults who fashioned big grins in their school photos were actually less likely to be unhappily divorced decades later. “The explanation with the most support, is that people who smile in their photographs have a more positive disposition and more extensive social network. When life throws us inevitable curveballs, those with a positive emotional disposition and strong social support tend to thrive,” explained study researcher Matthew Hertenstein in his book The Tell: The Little Clues That Reveal Big Truths about Who We Are. If you can’t stop grinning from ear-to-ear whenever there’s a camera around, there’s a good chance you’re actually boasting a positive disposition.

Interesting.  It should have probably been a big red flag that my STBEX had a suicide pact with his friends in high school.  Of course, I didn't have a positive experience in high school either, but pictures of me during that time in life were actually happy.  I was happy despite pretty much hating high school.  I found joy in my life in spite of it, and photos of me would definitely show smiles.

2. This past weekend, STBEX took the boys to the beach.  It drives me crazy that he has to put up a ridiculous number of fB pictures of them doing FUN things every single time they are together.  Then I was fB messaging with an old friend today who didn't know about the events of the past year and she had this to say: "And not to be petty, but even (hubby) commented on the desperation in his constant "happy family" posts. Come on dude!" I feel somewhat vindicated with that comment.  It is desperation.  But what bugged me the most about this weekend's fB photo vomit was that he put up half a dozen pictures of our boys at the beach but not a single one of his girlfriend, who was there with them.  I know she was because the boys have said as much.  I find it sickening and completely disingenuous that he would act as if he took the boys to the beach on his own, when really he had another grownup with with him for the day. Not just any grown up, but the woman that helped tear our family apart.  Not that the boys know that.

BUT THEN… the thought occurred to me tonight, that it's fitting in a way and perhaps it spells long-term doom for them.  How unsatisfying to have a relationship that no one in your life celebrates (if they knew about it).  He certainly wouldn't get many likes for those photos if he had her pictured in them as well.  So he keeps her out of them, because that gets in the way of any pseudo feelings of support he might experience.  Which means that their relationship doesn't benefit from any kind of social support (or very little).  One of the very things that made me sad in retrospect was realizing that he never complimented me or said sweet things about me in any of his fB or twitter posts.  It's not like I was dwelling on it.  I never even noticed it until I looked back at everything, searching for clues of any kind after he finally gave up on us.  That's when I realized the absence of them and the contrast to other couples.  And now, ha ha (yes, I realize this is a little shamefully vindictive) I realize that given this scenario, she's set up to experience the exact same thing!

3. I think I want to ask my closest friends to unfriend him on fB.  There's no need for them to be friends with him.  I think I can ask that of them.  But then I wonder what's the point.  It doesn't prove anything.  Maybe they can sympathize with me more if they are still seeing his stupid posts.  And I just looked through his list of friends on fB.  So so many of those people are disgusted with him.  The majority of the list actually.  They wouldn't invite him to a party of 1,000 of their closest friends.  That's why so few of them "like" anything he posts.   I guess that's just what fB is.

4. The potential buyer who came to view my home two weeks ago is coming back to see it again next week.  This would be so so wonderful.  I'm ready for my new life to unfold.  I wonder when I'll be ready to date.  Certainly not yet.  Not until I'm divorced.  Ugh, that word still sounds so very awful and foreign.  Still.  But not until then at least.  But when, next fall?  Will I be ready by then?  Not sure.  I'd like to be, but then again the potential scene also seems thoroughly depressing.  WILL NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.  TOTALLY UNPRODUCTIVE.

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