Sunday, January 12, 2014
Feelings jealous and then ashamed of feeling jealous of my acquaintance who had the same thing happen to her this past summer. She's in such a different place. Of course, she's relatively wealthy by comparison and men are asking to date her, so her experience is different in some ways and I'm jealous. Her kids (older) know the scoop and are giving their father all their anger and shit and she is feeling liberation and this great new life. And apparently they do regular family dinners and go on ski trips and spend all this time together in this new arrangement and she can just slip into this new relationship with him and I'm feeling like there's something less than about me compared to all of that. I KNOW that is not the right way to look at it, but I can't help it. I also KNOW I should not be so quick to judge my feelings and "choose" new ones based on what I want to be feeling, but it's hard. Feeling jealous feels wrong. But I am. I'm terribly jealous of her and her brand new BMW and trip to Turkey planned and ski trips and men asking her out. (And I don't even want a BMW!!) I know I need to have a positive attitude and visualize all that stuff manifesting in my life, but that just seems like one more responsibility to put on my plate. She's not having to work hard to make that happen. Why should I?