few words, mostly just tears

When is it going to stop being so fucking hard when he takes the boys for the weekend? He is ripping my boys away from me. I need a break because parenting three challenging boys while dealing with everything else I'm going through related to this is exhausting and overwhelming, but damn him, this isn't the kind of break I want. I want someone who works with me. Shares in the joys and the challenges. Fuck him. He has the boys and I get to spend the next two days packing up my home and getting it ready to sell just because he was too emotionally incompetent to do the hard work that is involved in a marriage. Why isn't there a stronger word than FUCK!!!!!!! All the meaning has been stripped from it because it gets thrown around so casually, and that leaves me right now with a no words possibly strong enough to express my pain and anger.