My heart and indeed my physical body feels a little nauseated and overwhelmed from holding so many competing thoughts and feelings at the same time. This is going to be an overwhelming month I predict.
At the moment I'm descending to my home airport after being away for three and a half days. And the turbulence is shaking the whole cabin making me feel sicker than usual, but there's something larger at play emotionally as well.
Honest joy and excitement and gratitude mixed with GRIEF, huge grief, and trepidation and residual anger and judgement.
I will be closing on the sale of my home this week and likely closing on the purchase of a new one next week.
The divorce agreement is being written up by the mediator right now, and we will be signing soon.
I've been slowly reading Irwin Kula's book, Yearnings. It's so very good and yet challenges me at time. Just finished a chapter that made me angry. Probably even more so because I agree with it to some extent and agreeing with it forces me to let go of anger and judgement that I don't want to let go of. Righteous anger. Or is it? Such soul wrestling. This awful turbulence I'm experiencing right now is nothing compared to my heart.
On the ground, will write more on the matter later. First I get to see my sweet boys and be fully involved as a mom for the afternoon and evening.